Today I woke up and felt like the anxious entrepreneur. This is a new part of my personality that has continually emerged; it’s all a part of having a mental illness. I get that. I accept it. But really I don’t. I have always been the woman who could overcome serious shit. Simply because I DECIDED TOO!
Decision that is a very powerful word. In fact, I don’t know if it’s a verb but it should be. Because it’s totally about action. Mental action!
Let me tell you it is a tremendous life-altering event for an extrovert to develop mental illness. It’s like taking a seal who has lived their entire life in the ocean and putting them in a tank. In this tank, there is a passageway back to the ocean. Only it is lined by killer whales on both sides, killer whales that will eat your ass, only these killer whales are holograms, they are not real.
And what sucks is the seal KNOWS it. She knows that. But still the fear makes her think things like, “This tank isn’t so bad. I’ll just invite people here instead.”
Well today people I go to face the killer whales.
Since a traumatic experience six months ago that kicked my anxiety and depression to a level it hasn’t been in years I have pretty much sequestered myself in my home office. I went from locally networking up to 20 hours a week to none at all. In the process of a couple days, I had effectively cut all my responsibilities that brought me outside my home and retreated to lick my mental wounds.
During that time I ended up moving, dealing with some family emergencies, and eventually agreeing to help care for a beautiful little baby boy full time.
So my life has changed dramatically in the last six months and here’s the deal I miss networking energy. I really do.
I want to tip my big toe back into it. I have this Facebook friend who is starting a group. It’s brand new so that means not a lot of people and it’s right beside my house. So that whole gas excuse is out the door. But even better it’s a part of a larger community group that I absolutely adore.
I reached out to my friend and said I want to come but I would have to bring a baby. She said I could.
She doesn’t realize how empowering that statement would be. I read it at 4 AM this morning when I awoke and decided I was going. (There’s that power word again. Decide, Decided, Decision)
So here I am not only going to face the Killer Whales but I’m going to be pushing a baby in stroller why I do it. It just wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t as hard as possible.
And did I mention I am doing some couponing while I’m out. But that’s a whole other post.